


You are not going to lose me

by psychobubuzuke



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Lena Luthor Has Friends, Lena Luthor is a good person, Lots of internal drama, Post Reveal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-18
Updated: 2019-09-01
Packaged: 2020-09-06 20:47:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20297707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/psychobubuzuke/pseuds/psychobubuzuke
Summary: Lena found out Kara is Supergirl and she tries to get her revenge.





	1. One

_I think when I start to feel things again, I’d be very very afraid._

***

_ “No one’s every stood up for me before.”_

_“Now you will have someone that will stand up for you always. That’s what friends are for.”_

_My ass._

Lena did not have many friends. But if Kara Danvers and her “superfriends” thought she would be fine with years of lying and god knows what kind of manipulation, in the name of “friendship” to keep the last free Luthor in-check? Then it will be the biggest mistake of their life.

She will make them regret for ever toying with her.

She was angry. She was humiliated.

She ran back to metropolis before she does something that Lex wants.

Yes, she was angry at herself. She was angry at Kara Danvers or Supergirl, at Alex, at James, at the whole lot of them. But she was mostly pissed off at Lex. And damn her if she succumbs to this obvious last ditch effort to make her crumble and turn on the world and vindicate everyone’s opinion of her.

_Fuck everyone!_

She saved the world so many times! If that was still insufficient to get these self-righteous pricks off her back then she doubts anything else would.

At least Jack would have appreciated her efforts.

Jack… that idiot!

_No…_

Lena was the bigger idiot for not saving him.

“I’m so sorry. I chose that two-faced alien over you.” Lena slurred at the empty warehouse that she and Jack used to conduct their private research. She needed to go back to somewhere that reminded her that she had actual friends once upon a time. Before her life turned to shit…

_No correct that… It was shitty already before Lex’s nonsense… _

“Even my mom knew. Everyone was just in on the joke you know?” Lena downed the contents in her glass to drown the crushing pain of the thought that, Kara could be so cavalier with her feelings.

“ME. I’m the joke.”

Tears escaped her again.

What was the point of trying so hard?

She found the cure for cancer, saved the lives of the few loved ones she had in her life, but still got scorned for all of it. Mocked, accused, by those who benefited from her.

Did Kara mean it on the balcony when she said she understood Lena was just trying to save her brother? Or was it just a ploy to keep her from joining Lex’s camp?

Did Kara mean anything that she said to her?

_The joke’s on you. Who will be left to be proud of you? _

“Are you proud of me Jack?”

Lena’s befuddled mind thought back to the days where it was just her and her research. People worked with her, they got results together. Okay… mostly _she_ got the results. But at least they weren’t hypocritical judgemental assholes…oh, actually…

In her frustration, she boots up the workstation and was pleasantly surprised to find it still in working condition. All she wanted was to reminisce how naïve she was. How they both were, when they first started their research.

Science was absolute. Objective. Factual. It was the one thing that always gave her solace. Until Kara Danvers came along…

But when she accessed Jack’s old research, she realised it was not a test of hypothesis in its infancy stage. Even in her drunken stupor she knew what was staring at her was a detailed documentation of a nanotech research, which included the materials and coding used, the tests that failed and, in the end, the one that succeeded.

“Jack… Oh Jack.”

She guessed a part of her Luthor side must have rubbed off on him for him to be so paranoid to save copies on this old computer, in this old warehouse.

He just did not expect his assistant to backstab him like that.

Well, Lena guess they were both idiots. That’s why they were friends. She was just fortunate not to have died for committing such a grave error.

Trusting people.

Well… she did feel dead inside. Does that count?

_Who will be left to be proud of you? _

The rage that simmered and brewed all night finally exploded within her and she hurled her glass across the room.

Life with the Luthors was torturous and extremely harsh, but there was one thing that she was grateful from all those lessons. Nobody gets to toy with her and get away with it.

Lena stares at the coding displayed on the screen and made up her mind. When she was done with all of them, she, herself, would be the one proud of Lena Luthor.

***

Lena Luthor was definitely not proud of herself when she woke up sprawled on the filthy floor with a pounding headache the next morning.

Not with the obnoxious ringing of her phone right beside her ear.

It did not stop even when she silently willed it to.

It was mocking her.

After sufficient consciousness returned to her dulled senses, Lena finally managed to move her arm to answer the persistent caller and put her on speaker. 

“Great. At least you’re alive.”

“Good morning to you too.” Lena grunted.

“Dear god. Lena it’s already noon time. Where on earth are you?”

“Somewhere where there’s a rule to be quiet and no yelling.” Lena winced and rubbed her temples.

“Yeah well yelling’s not going to stop until I know where you are.” The person on the other end remained stern but softened her tone.

“I can meet you at the office in an hour if you need proof of life.”

“No. You’re on a break. You said it yourself. I’m not going to be the one to make you work when you finally took a break.”

Lena remained silent. Being reminded she was on a break in Metropolis brought a lot of feelings back from the previous night, so she needed a moment to recollect herself and box them up.

“Lena?”

“Yes, Sam.” She sighed. “I’m fine. I’ll be home soon. You can check on me again tonight.”

“Yes, I will do that. If you are still not aware, I have vast experience of being extremely motherly. Do not test me.”

Lena chuckled. “I wouldn’t dare.” At least she still had one friend who cared.

All was not lost.

“Now go take care of my company. Don’t think I won’t let the board roast your ass if we underperform this quarter.”

“You’re the boss.” Sam laughed as she ended the call.

Speaking of board members roasting someone’s ass, James’ was on the line for the underperformance of Catco. They were holding a meeting soon to discuss his future as Catco’s CEO. No doubt Kara’s recent article may bring certain glory, but it may not be sufficient to convince them that James was improving.

Lena was utterly disappointed in James. Both personally and professionally. It did not sit well with her that he could claim to support her only to find out he was planning to use Catco to investigate her after their breakup. And in the light of recent developments, previous breaches of trust seemed even more atrocious in retrospect.

It seems like being two-faced is a necessary trait to be included in the Kara Danver’s club.

_Nope!_

Lena took a deep breath and let it out slowly. It was too early to be thinking about her. As for her ex? Well, not appearing for the meeting was the most she would give him. Consider it a parting gift for their failed attempt at a relationship.

Lena tidied herself as much as she could as she surveyed the warehouse and memories of last night started to come back to her. There was absolutely no time for unnecessary feelings.

She had plans to make and work to do.

***

_I will be away for a few days. Don’t worry Kara, I’ll be alright._

_Sure, I understand. Just… let me know if you need me. I’m just a call away. Please._

Kara stared at the two blue ticks on her chat screen and sighed.

It was only a few days and it had already been such a struggle to give her best friend the space that she clearly wanted. Kara honestly would have found it less draining to fight a 100 feet tall alien…

“Earth to Kara?” She felt someone nudge her to make way on the couch. 

“Sorry…I’m just…”

“Worried about Lena?” Alex raised an eyebrow.

Kara shrugged and let out a sigh.

Ever since that game night after Lena came back from the white house, Kara’s worry just kept growing. That niggling feeling at the back of her mind, that something more had happened could not be smothered, the constant worry that something ominous was developing...

Alex knew her worries and offered her a sympathetic smile.

“What are we talking about here?” James Olsen plopped down on the single seat opposite them as the rest of the gang joined them after cleaning up in the kitchen.

“Lena.” Alex answered absently as her attention was take away by Kelly settling beside her.

James scoffed. “Well, when she starts behaving like a responsible adult please inform me.”

Kara frowned, but before she could respond, Alex beat her to it. “She’s got a lot to handle right now. It’s not like you’re unaware. What’s so urgent you need her for?”

“Well, the board members at Catco have called for a meeting and rumour has it that they will be deciding on my temporary position.”

“And you need Lena for?”

“I believe what Mr Olsen is implying,” Brainy proudly deduces, “is that the presence of Lena at this meeting would increase the chances of him continuing as CEO of Catco to the point where it would be a definite outcome. Given that Lena holds more than 50% of Catco’s shares.” At the end of it, he turned to give Nia, who was giving him not so subtle elbow nudges, a perplexed look.

“James!” Kara exclaimed, exasperated.

“What? The board is being unfair.” James defended.

“Well, corporations are quite ruthless. I did warn you.” Kelly quipped, ignoring James’s pointed glare.

She did not think James liked the job anyway, with how he chose to seek satisfaction in being a vigilante. But she decided against providing that analysis at the moment seeing how it would escalate things. She did find it interesting to observe the dynamics of the people involved with Lena, take different sides. She never had a chance to properly thank her for saving James’s life, but she sure was intrigued by the woman, after all that she has heard.

“Well Lena is going through a lot now. Even as a friend won’t you sympathize with that?” That little bite in Kara’s tone did not go unnoticed by everyone in the room.

Brainy was as oblivious as ever, while Nia started fidgeting. Kelly certainly felt that underlying accusation and glanced to her side at Alex only to see her playing with the scotch glass in her hand, seemingly unaffected by the escalating tensions in the room.

“OoooKay.” Kelly decided to butt in before James could dig any further. “It’s been a long night, and I think I should be heading home soon. Thanks for having me.” James took that opportunity to leave, claiming to have a dire need to do some last minute salvaging of his job.

The tension immediately left Kara and she returned to be her usual amicable self, saying goodbye to everyone. Alex followed Kelly to the doorstep.

“You seem rather calm. Aren’t you worried about what just happened?”

“You mean Lena? Of course I’m worried. But Kara’s doing enough of that for all of us, there’s really no need to add on that.” Alex sighed.

“I meant _that_.”

“Oh, that.” Alex rolled her eyes. “Nope. Not going to touch that. I need my sanity.”

But of course, Alex being the saint of the two of them, stayed the night to listen to her sister rant about James, how she should never have pushed Lena to try again with James when it clearly wasn’t working, how James was so unappreciative of everything Lena has done for him.

“Well, he is about to lose his job, can’t blame him for trying to get all the help he can.”

“Lena has been threatened by board members on a monthly basis to replace her and she handles it just find. James can fight his own battles.”

“Not everyone is Lena, Kara.”

And with that, Kara deflates.

“I know.”

“Still no news from her?”

“No…”

“But…?” Alex knew her sister.

“I have been listening for her.” Kara relents, seeing Alex’s expectant look. “She’s in Metropolis.”

“And?”

“And nothing.” Kara defends indignantly. “I just searched for her heartbeat. That’s it. I wouldn’t invade her privacy like that!”

“Alright! Chill! Jeez Kara. I was just checking.” Alex held up her hands, amused.

“So have you thought of how to tell her when she comes back?”

Kara looked down and adjusted her glasses. When she started playing with her sleeves, Alex figured out her answer.

She sighed.

One good thing about having her memory wiped was gaining a neutral perspective on Lena Luthor. It made her thankful she wasn’t too harsh on her before all that. It was impressive how despite the shit she was put through, the woman still rose above it all. She was brilliant and amazing. And she tried so, so hard to do good, to be good, to be in the light despite everything that could push her the other way.

At the very least, Alex respected that.

With her newfound knowledge of Lena Luthor as a person, she was also dreading the day she found out the truth about Kara. When Lex Luthor was on the loose, it suddenly struck Kara that all the reasons she had for keeping her identity a secret became irrelevant. The only thing stopping her was knowing how it would hurt Lena.

They had kept it a secret too long. Even Alex found herself hesitating. But one thing for sure was that it would definitely hurt less if Kara was the one who told her. With how chaotic things were and how fragile Lena’s state of mind could be with Lex’s demise, Kara was insistent on lessening the pain that the truth would bring.

They just needed the right timing…

“Maybe there will never be a right time or a right way. Kara, you may have to consider that.”

“I know.”

All she heard was a whisper, as Kara returned to staring at Lena’s picture in her phone again.

***

It was another week before Kara heard from Lena. Just a check in to say she would be out of the country. She was in Japan, then Germany the following week. Before she knew it, a month went by and Kara really, really missed Lena. The pictures were not helping anymore.

What was she doing in Germany anyway?

“Supergirl! We have a breach at the DEO!”

Brainy’s alert was a welcomed distraction from the temptation to fly to Europe. “Be right there.”

So things with the DEO or the government, in general, were not going that well. With the whole fiasco of Ben Lockwood and the President leaving a strained relationship between her and the covert government agency, she really tried to avoid them. Having said that, she did still have a duty to public safety and that would mean not wanting any rogue aliens to be running amok in National City.

She sighed. She did not want to agree with her cousin, but at times like this, she may have to give him credit in his assessment of the DEO. But Alex chose them, so…

“Supergirl, a rogue has escaped the compounds.” Speaking of Alex…

“On it.” Kara changed course and tuned in to the destruction it was probably causing downtown and flew straight into it.

She was not expecting the immense pain that blindsided her out of the blue, causing her to crash into a building near the rogue.

“Kryptonite.” She breathed out.

“What?” Alex yelled over the coms.

“Alex!” Kara knew she should have kept Lena’s shield with her at all times and not on the night stand right beside her bed! How would she have known every villain now has access to the only thing that could incapacitate her in the whole Solar System!

Oh right… it escaped from the DEO.

“Supergirl! I was waiting for you!” The creature had villainous eyes and two sets of sharp teeth that made it slur a bit.

“Where’s the kryptonite? Can you locate it?” Alex kept yelling in her ear.

“I can’t… I can’t see.” She really can’t. There was no green solid rock anywhere near or on the creature.

She did however see a black figure hovering above ground at a distance from them. It was covered in a black suit with a mask made of material she could not see through.

Not another enemy, she hoped. Because if this one in front of her was sentient enough to snatch up some kryptonite while escaping, it was definitely going to be a handful already. She really did not want a second enemy… or worse - tag team.

As more kryptonite got into her system with each breath she took, the burning pain made her falter and fall to one knee. That was when she saw the figure come closer to her and threw a device toward her.

Kara braced herself for a two-pronged attack. What she got instead was a gulp of fresh air and a rejuvenated state.

The pain was gone.

The kryptonite was gone.

Kara head snapped up to the newcomer. The black figure was still a good distance away but with her head cocked one side.

Almost as if it were observing her…

Their stare-off was disrupted with an enraged roar from the rogue alien.

Immediately deciding on finishing off the immediate enemy first before dealing with this mysterious saver, Supergirl took off and began her pommeling. Kryptonite was not a fun experience, and Kara wanted it to know clearly what she thought of it.

By the time she was done, her mysterious saviour was long gone.


	2. Two

_Shit shit shit shit shit…._

Lena slammed the nanobot device onto her desk.

After a month of self- exile and obsessive research over technology, research on kryptonite, Kara’s greatest fear…all for naught.

When she sobered up that morning, she ran through all possibilities of why Kara would have kept it from her. In the end, the only logical conclusion she could derive was the same as her wretched brother. She was convinced Kara and her scheming friends befriended her to keep her in check.

And she will have them know, what it meant to make a fool out of her.

So she took all of Jack’s research, all of Lex’s research, and her previous ones and fled to the other side of the world to work in peace. She could not have Sam or Ruby distract her. Between the breakthrough of Jack’s, Lex’s crazy ideas and her own genius, she finally managed to make a suit that would definitely obliterate Lex’s cartoon design, and would definitely have Supergirl on her knees begging for mercy.

_No…._

She did not want to kill Kara. She just wanted to show her. That even with all those scheming and plotting behind her back, if she really wanted to, she can take her down. Their mistrust and hurtful lies will only serve to backfire. She just wanted her to know how much all this hurts.

What better way to know than to experience it first hand?

Everything was in place. She was monitoring the DEO for any breaches. She just needed them to have their guard down for her to take back Jack’s nanobots, to eradicate all clues and potential weakness of her new suit in the hands of the enemy. Then, she would have the tech, the suit, element of surprise and the kryptonite. The probability of success was definite.

Except!

Her brain and her hands were such failures.

It was like a Pavlovian response.

Her chance came when DEO screwed up, again, which allowed her to connect remotely with Jack’s nanobots locked in the DEO. Once she got them to return to her amidst the chaos at the agency, she noticed the rogue alien taking kryptonite from the facility from the cameras she hacked into.

_Which by the way, why does she give me so much shit for using it to save Sam, when this covert agency practically keeps it as a failsafe from her?_

Another reason that proves how much Kara “trusts” her. Lena gritted her teeth at the thought.

So she followed the alien because she wanted to know what it was going to do with the kryptonite it stole.

No.

She _knew_ what it wanted to use it for. After all, there was only one practical use for it…

She thought she could be detached, after all Kara had done. But just one look at that face in so much agony, all her plans were instantly forgotten. Her brain automatically gave the command to her hand, to throw out a newly created device that was meant as an aerosol dispersal device. Except, now, it was empty, so she changed the settings to do just the opposite.

It sucked the aerosolized green kryptonite out of the air.

After that, everything else happened too fast. It was obvious Kara was recovering fast once Kryptonite was removed from her vicinity. She knew the alien would be dealt with soon and that Kara had saw her. She would come after her next.

So, Lena panicked.

She _ran_.

She was not ready for a confrontation now, she told herself. She needed to find a better timing to deliver the blow! Damn it!

Well, at least she had some mind to retrieve her device and not leave any evidence at the scene to trace back to her. So, she still had time to plan for a proper deliverance of her final blow.

Lena took a deep breath and settled in the comfort of this knowledge.

She just needed to plan better.

For now, she would have to collect more information on them.

Kara had her Superfriends and the DEO and of course, Superman to back her up. And she was only one person, handicapped with a family history that restricted her manoeuvrability. Therefore she had to be discrete, and strike swift and fast. As all good strategists knows, when planning for a strike, you go for the enemy’s weak point. And Lena easily decided which would be her next target…

***

Kara was in a foul mood. It has been a few days since the breach in DEO. Lena was back in National City. She wanted to fly to her the moment she heard her but Mr Alien here decided it was a great day to meet her fist instead, so by the time she was done with it, she could not detect her anywhere. She quickly calmed herself down by concluding Lena was in one of her L-Corp labs where there was some sort of interference to her hearing…

She stormed through the DEO and shoved alien of the day into the waiting arms of the agents. Kara was planning on a quick exit when she heard Alex call for her. All her frustration quickly tempered down when she saw a middle-aged man standing beside her. His posture and demeanour toward her too alike a recent enemy for her liking.

“Supergirl. Thanks for helping us. You have saved us a great deal of time, and we _really_ appreciate it.” Kara could spot Alex’s forced smile anywhere. She almost let out a chuckle. “I would like you to meet Colonel Hart. He’s here to replace Colonel Haley who has been transferred to DC.”

Alex silently conveyed her request to play nice, and Kara summoned all her patience to force a cordial smile. “Nice to meet you Colonel.” She offered her hand.

As expected she was met with an arrogant smirk and her hand was left in mid-air.

“Nice of you to help us clean up. Don’t take this the wrong way, we are immensely grateful for the help. Especially after all that misunderstanding with Lex Luthor.” Hart gestured in the air dismissively. “But please, this is a sensitive time and the government is taking a cautious stance with regard to exposure of the existence of this department and since you are a person of high profile, you would understand that moving forward, we may need to…how would you put it…” he waved absently while trying to complete his thought, “minimize our cooperation to situations of emergency only.”

Kara stole a glance at Alex, who could only frown at what was being said.

“So… “

“Colonel Hart, you might not be up to speed with Colonel Haley’s recent discoveries. Maybe I can show them to you before we turn down Spergirl’s help.”

“That would be quite unnecessary. Colonel Haley has given me an update personally when I met her in DC. I can assure you, Director Danvers, I am most _up to speed_.” He dismissed.

“Right, of course.” Alex and Kara silently agreed to address this later.

“Well then. It was a pleasure Colonel Hart.” Kara turned to make a quick exit. She was wanted back at Catco anyway. With James gone, the instability has made Snapper’s mood worse than usual. As much as she needed Supergirl’s job to distract her from the growing worry she had for Lena, she did not want to risk Snapper’s wrath unless absolutely necessary.

Unfortunately for Kara, nobody seemed to be considerate of her plight lately. Snapper was already in a foul mood. Even she was not sparred an earful, despite making it back in time.

What’s worse was that Cadmus suddenly decided having their inspirational leader exposed for treason was not enough. They had decided since their inspirational leader was exposed for treason, they might as well go all out.

The utter stupidity!

“Are you seeing this Alex?”

“Yeah. Which genius of their bunch thought this was a good idea?” Alex scoffed. Cadmus apparently were raiding alien hangouts and filming and telecasting them live after hacking into broadcast networks.

What they were actually doing were filming themselves terrorizing groups of unarmed aliens who were just going about their daily activities.

“Seems like without Lilian at the helm, those goons really aren’t that bright.”

“I’ll take the area farthest.” Kara was already walking towards the nearest staircase. Her mind however was filled with thoughts of Lena again. First Lex, now Cadmus. Kara was getting angry at whatever that’s pulling strings to make Lena’s life so difficult.

After Supergirl rounded up Cadmus’ goons and dropped them at the DEO (leaving before Colonel Hart could comment), Kara decided to pay Lillian Luthor a visit. When Lex broke out of jail, Lena somehow managed to convince Lillian to be on her side and ever since then, Lillian was the perfect persona of a rehabilitated inmate.

But Kara had to make sure. Lena did not need another family member giving her hell.

She was expecting Lillian Lthor’s incarcerated life to be quite cushy compared to a normal inmate, she did not however expect the luxury provided.

“Make yourself at home.” The Luthor matriarch motioned to the leather sofa in the middle of the room, the size of her own apartment.

“To what do I owe the pleasure, Supergirl?” Lillian enquired politely, but Kara could see the condescension beneath the cool exterior.

Deciding that playing mind games with her would just be a waste of time, Kara asked plainly, “Are you behind the latest attacks on aliens?”

Lillian scoffed, not even bothering to validate that question with an answer.

“Are you sure that’s what you should be concerned about right now?” Lillian sat down and folded her arms in her lap, regarding her too gently as if she was a mere lost fool, running about aimlessly.

“What are you talking about?” Kara knew that tone too well. It always preceded a devastating blow when her enemies took to that tone.

“Have you seen Lena lately?”

And just like that, Kara’s suppressed worries were let out, and she was in Lillian’s face in an instant.

“If you hurt her—“

Lillian’s laugh cut her threat off, and she took a step back. Confused and wary. Lillian Luthor was too confident of something and it unnerved Kara.

“I promise you, Supergirl. This time, it’s not me.” Lillian smirked.

Kara’s frown deepened. Her heart rate raced as her mind conjured all sorts of possibility as to the meaning of that sentence. A deep seeded fear started seeping into her veins... ice cold and oh so familiar.

“I told you before what would happen. You should have taken precautions if you had taken me seriously. If you really didn’t want to _hurt_ her. Who’s the hypocrite now?”

Lillian held up a drive, thinking of saying more to convey her distaste of the Super in front of her. But one look at the hero in front of her made her hold her tongue.

She hated aliens. They destroyed her family. They destroyed her brilliant son. And now this one in front of her lied to her daughter constantly and was going to cause her so much pain. Just the dread overcoming the Kryptonian’s eyes should have given her glee. Yet…

***

Since she was thirteen years old, Kara had tried so hard to move past that feeling of sheer panic when her parents gave up on their planet and sent her away. She had tried so hard to forget the utter despair of knowing what will be lost the next moment yet unable to do anything to alleviate that fear…

Throughout her years living on Earth, she had experienced that similar despair numerous times ever since becoming Supergirl. But since she was literally bestowed godlike powers on this Earth, nothing ever came quite close. And luckily, through sheer willpower or what not, things always worked out in the end.

But now.

Now.

As she flies over National City, as she flies over the continent, in search of that familiar heartbeat, the person who was not picking up her calls— that fear was front and centre, slowly taking over every inch of her sanity, slowly paralysing her.

A part of her was vehemently calling Lillian Luthor’s bluff.

She _had_ to be lying.

She was a manipulative woman. It was just one of her schemes to get back at her for killing her son!

Whatever that was in the drive was just another ploy to distract her from whatever she was doing to Lena!

Another part of her was sinking into the depths of despair.

A part of her knew Lena was acting weird and it was too much to just be credited to her brother’s demise. At the very least, she would not be avoiding Kara Danvers.

Unless…

“Supergirl! What the hell are you doing?”

Alex’s voice demanded over the intercom.

“Alex…” Kara could not hide the sob that slid out.

“Ok, I’m calling your phone. Pick up.”

Kara did not pick up.

She flew two rounds across the globe.

When she touched down in her home, she immediately went to her laptop. She did not allow herself to think. She would not allow herself to second guess this.

She had to find Lena now!

Even if this was one of Lillian’s ploy again, if this was the only way to know, then Kara would gladly jump right into it.

And she jumped right into the abyss.

Watching a video of the various ways she displayed Spergirl’s powers as Kara Danvers would normally send her into a frenzy. But watching the video over a recording of Lex’s voiceover only served to shatter her heart into pieces.

_“Your friends have been lying to you from the start. Your boyfriend Jimmy, Alex, J'onn, that little alien runt Brainy. Even your own mother. They’ve mocked you, humiliated you, betrayed you. Every last one.”_  


_No. No. No. No. _

_NO!_

_That’s not true!_

_Lena! _

Kara was overwhelmed with a barrage of tumultuous feelings. She thought of Lena and her heart ached with guilt. The many chances that she could have spared Lena the pain of knowing the truth in such a distorted way flew through her mind. They only served to escalate the pain and rage. Rage at being robbed of the chance to tell Lena herself. To be honest in her own terms. And in the mix of all that, the fear and desperation that she was losing Lena. The horror that Lena had been slipping away for the past month…

Oh how she hated Lex Luthor at this moment.

She was spiralling and did not notice the heat that escaped her eyes; the cracks in the flooring beneath her feet.

She did not notice Alex’s yelling over the torrential storm in her head, tearing apart her heart.

“Kara please!”

A familiar warmth wrapped around her and slowly brought her back.

“Alex?”

“Kara!”

The pair of arms tightened their hold on her, but she barely felt anything. Realising everything was slipping away, Kara finally broke down in her sister’s arms and fell to her knees.

Alex held Kara and waited silently.

When Kara’s sobs quietened, she finally caught the sound of Alex’s phone vibrating.

“Alex? Someone is calling you.”

“Are you ok?” Alex had felt the vibrations, but did not want to take herself away from Kara.

“Please answer the phone.” Kara whispered. Her senses were still too raw from breaking down.

With one hand wrapped around Kara’s shoulders, Alex answered the call from Brainy, “What is it Brainy?”

“Something has happened at the DEO. Something…peculiar. I am unable to access if it’s a threat at this moment, hence I am in need of your advice.”

“What is it? I have already told Colonel Hart that Supergirl isn’t a threat just because she was crossing international airspace. Superman does it all the time! And they’re out of it within seconds, what’s the big problem? He need to calm the fuck down.”

“While Colonel Hart is definitely fuming, Supergirl is probably only 10% of the reason.”

“Then what is it, Brainy?” Alex took a deep breath to avoid snapping at him.

“After you left, Colonel Hart ordered his soldiers to access DEO’s kryptonite weapons—“

“He WHAT? –“

“– But what the soldiers found was an empty room.”

Alex was in disbelief.

“You’re saying…”

“It’s all gone. And no, I was not able to predict Colonel Hart’s decision to apprehend Supergirl with kryptonite, thus, I was not the one who orchestrated the disappearance of the DEO’s kryptonite weapons.” 

“But we do daily checks on its storage!”

“Yes, the log says last check was done this morning.”

Alex continued to confirm what she was hearing, unaware that Kara, who heard the entire conversation just plunged into another bout of self-flagellation.

She had been so hard on Lena for making Kryptonite to save Sam, when she simply ignored the fact that the DEO had a whole arsenal of it and were always too ready to use them on her. She became so irrational to the point of using James’ relationship, all the while pretending everything was fine as Kara Danvers…

Kara despaired at the thought of what Lena was thinking of her now.

_Please Lena! Just give me a chance…Please._


	3. Three

Oh. My. God!

_Did I just steal a whole lot of Kryptonite weapons from a government agency?_

_What was I thinking!_

_Quite obvious there was no cerebral level of activity involved…_

_Shit!_

Staring at the stockpile in front of her, she started to feel the beginning of a headache form at the base of her skull, in the pulsing at her temples…

Lena let out a haggard sigh.

Ever since she gained access to DEO’s systems, she had been monitoring their camera feeds while diligently hiding her tracks. Frankly, it was not that hard.

She observed too many things. Things that confused her…

Oddly, there was no glee at the demise of her brother behind her back. And every time someone wanted to stir shit and drag her name into it, Alex and Brainy were quick to shut them down.

Alex and Brainy frequently exchanged strong words—well, Alex had strength and Brainy had words— with their subordinates and reminded them of how she had helped them during her short stint with the agency.

Supergirl’s visits were surprisingly rare. And if she did appear, it was only to drop off a random rogue. She was hardly spotting that signature sunshine smile. There was always a slight crinkle in her forehead. She and Alex always exchanged a sad and sympathetic smile before she flew off.

Which was weird.

It made her curious, so she dug up Alex’s file.

She thought it was only fair, since all of them got to snoop and spy on her in every invasive way possible. She was just evening the field.

When she spotted “truth seeker” and “identity of Supergirl” she was hooked. It was unbelievable that Alex Danvers did not know her sister was Supergirl.

It was equally unbelievable that the truth seeker did not work.

Naturally, Lena dug deeper.

When the next few senior agents she worked with, and she was sure they knew Supergirl’s identity, were found to be unaware of Supergirl’s identity, Lena’s mind started running different possibilities. She thought of the timing of this test, she thought of J’onn, she thought of the time Alex uncharacteristically sided with her against Supergirl.

Her heart ached when she reached the most logical conclusion.

She did not want to. It was just involuntary.

Her first reaction after that was to be angry at Kara for not letting her be there for her. Her mind kept coming back to the fact that she was excluded from such a big part of Kara’s life. That Kara did not want her participating in that part, when all the while, she was giving her more and more of herself.

She thought she knew her best friend.

Turns out, she was living in another lie.

“I never knew Kara Danvers.”

Saying aloud those words caused a sharp stab to her heart. The pain too overwhelming, she struggled to breathe.

Lena clutched her hands to the aching in her chest.

Those potstickers that she liked so much were fake.

That smile when she bought her flowers for writing every successful article were fake.

Those hugs that felt like home, that brought her comfort, gave her a safe haven to hide, were all fake.

All those lunches were just opportunities to get information from her. To use her. Using her contacts to save her people. Using her status to further her reporting career. Using her money to save Catco! That was why when she found out Lena had Kryptonite, she was so furious. Her plan to keep Lena in check failed.

A Luthor still had access to Kryptonite, under her watch!

She just takes all that Lena has to give, and finally Lena didn’t know if she had anymore left to give!

_Except… That was not true…_

A sane part of her finally starts to counter…

Kara Danvers was Supergirl.

And Supergirl was with her every step when Lex broke out of jail. And when Supergirl was compromised, Kara Danvers was by her side.

She still remembered the crestfallen look on Kara’s face when she accused Kara of coming to her only when she needed information.

It finally made her remember how Kara’s lips quivered, how her voice wavered as she tried to explain herself and gave up halfway and finally left, but not before Lena caught sight of those dulled reddened eyes.

She finally recalled.

_“I will always be your friend, and I will always protect you. I promise.”_

She thought it was Supergirl, but it was also Kara. When she was in Reign’s clutches, choking for air; When Mercy broke into L-Corp; When Morgan tried to kill her; when her own Mom tried to blow her up! And despite knowing the place was filled with Kryptonite, the thing that scared her so much it brought such an ugly side out, Kara still came for her.

Kara always came for her.

_“You are a brilliant, kind-hearted, beautiful soul.”_

She remembered the times she was wallowing in self-doubt and letting guilt consume her, Kara would always be the first to argue with her. To defend her against herself. Lena had seen her fair share of the dark side of humanity, some would even say she had seen it all, courtesy of her upbringing. And if Kara Danvers’ sunshine personality, the warmth that she radiates simply by smiling, was a hoax and that the numerous lunch dates and dinner takeout and the laughter shared… so much effort were all just to… keep tabs on her?

It sounded absurd. A foolish plan. There were many other simpler ways to accomplish that.

It was why she had a hard time reconciling the lie with what she knew of Kara.

Kara was simply so genuine.

_“I’m so sorry you felt like you couldn’t tell me.”_

Why couldn’t Kara be honest with her? Lena had done this many times before. Thinking of the things that she did which caused Kara to feel like she could not be honest with her.

She was a masochist like that.

She thought of the times she could have done without the scare of Kara being in danger. In Kaznia, she almost got a heart attack when she thought Kara got herself killed in the explosion of the warehouse. And Kara seemed so freaked out by something, Lena was constantly worried for her.

_Kaznia…_

Lena rolled her sleeves up and pulled out the video files that she downloaded from Lex’s computer. She reviewed the parts that were recorded in Kaznia. Despite knowing the reasons now, seeing Kara so unnerved again, made Lena feel uneasy.

Kara was not simply nervous about a secret getting out. She was literally close to having a panic attack if Lena had stepped any closer to the room.

What was she so afraid of?

Did she think Lena would follow her brother’s madness?

Lena had an urge to open a bottle right now, but she chose to ignore it by watching the videos her brother had so kindly compiled for her.

And surprise surprise, he even had videos from her private jet. It was a separate video file from his compilation. She was too stricken to sort his data out and just mass copied the data in his computer before she left his lair. She must have missed it.

Lena scowled.

That was her plane. _How dare him!_

She clicked on the video to find out what he had spied on. She watched in annoyance as Kara fly out the plane to help her land it and flew back only to act like she fainted.

If she wasn’t so pissed off, Lena would have laughed at Kara’s clown act.

Her irritation at being made a fool, however, dissolved into tears the moment Kara stood up and took her glasses off.

But Lena had her back towards her. She said something that caused Kara’s determined look to be taken over by devastation, which slowly morphed into pained resignation when she slid her glasses back on.

What did she say?

_“I let her in, and she lied. To me. Everyday. To my face, about who she was. And that’s what hurts. I, I don’t know if I’ll ever recover from it, but… I know there’s no way I would ever trust anyone ever again, if it wasn’t for your friendship. And your integrity…It – It just means the world to me, Kara.”_

She remembered Kara’s reply.

_“I’m always gonna be here for you.”_

Lena sunk her head into her hands and sobbed.

And that was how she was, when her sensors alerted her to Supergirl’s erratic behaviour, which brought DEO’s new colonel’s orders to her attention, and how her overloaded brain, wrecked with emotions, automatically decided to activate her newly tested portal device and used the nanites to transport DEO’s kryptonite stash to her lab.

She was rather impressed with herself when she looked back, that she even thought of deactivating their cameras before launching this heist.

But when the adrenaline faded, her mind faced with a barrage of questions. Each one gaining more urgency as they piled in her mind.

_What the hell was she going to do with so much Kryptonite? The DEO have kryptonite sensors, they will be on to her soon if she does not figure out a way to get rid of their radiation signatures. AND she needed to erase her tracks in the DEO’s servers immediately…_

Lena took a deep breath and called her brain to focus.

She thinks she’s finally ready to meet Kara. But not now.

_Now_, she needed to save her own ass.

***

Alex took Kara back to her place after they both agreed Kara’s was too wrecked for her to stay the night. After which, they called on their Superfriends and held a mini emergency meeting.

Kara agreed kryptonite stash going missing was alarming, yet, it seemed to take a back seat when faced with the task of finding Lena. Kara Danvers loved her family, her friends. She was glad to have found them after losing her home thirteen years ago. She was touched by their concern, but after that revelation and her break down, she really just wanted to see Lena. Even if she knew the reason now why Lena was avoiding her, she still wanted to try.

Giving up was never an option. She needed to make things right.

And having Alex, Brainy, Nia, J’onn and James yelling at each other over the events of the past few hours was not helping her make things right.

“Guys, please. Can we all just calm down.”

“Yes. Let’s all take a deep breath and come up with a solid plan.” J’onn agreed.

“Calm down?” Alex exclaimed. “How do I calm down when I know there’s a whole ARSENAL of kryptonite missing that can be used against you!”

“I don’t care about that.” Kara folded into herself on the couch and hugged her knees. “I just want to find Lena.”

Alex was reminded how all this started in the first place. She willed herself to release the tension in her body and softened her stance.

“Kara, what happened?”

“She found out.” Kara wiped away a silent tear that escaped. “She knows I’m Supergirl.”

The whole room fell silent.

“She found out in the worst possible way. And…and I have to fix that. I have to.”

Alex immediately went to her, enveloping her in an embrace. “She’ll come around. Give her some time.”

“Do we not have any idea where she could be?”

“Lena is a billionaire. Her resources are practically limitless and she could be anywhere she wanted. Combined with her intellect –“Brainy abruptly got cut off when Nia all too subtly smacked him on the shoulder. 

One look at Kara’s dejected face, and he knew his mistake. “But we can still deduce her whereabouts by simply canvassing the places she frequents.”

“And that’s great. But it takes time. Time which we do not have. The DEO is going to be on high alert after this.” Alex sighed.

“Colonel Hart has not given up on questioning Supergirl for breaching international airspace.”

“Why is he so adamant on that? Superman seems to appear around the globe all the time. Does he question Superman for that?” Nia found this new colonel rather ridiculous.

“I’m sorry, but is no one concerned that Lena now knows Kara is Supergirl?” James interjected, worried.

“I am! Can’t you see I have been trying to find her?” Kara fixed him with a pointed glare, daring him to continue his line of thought. Her red-rimmed eyes furious.

But James was adamant in making his point. He saw Lex and Clarke’s friendship crumble and this was their turning point. Lena was… Despite all that she had shared with him, which he came to realise was not a lot, she simply did not react well when faced with betrayal.

“I’m just looking out for you Kara. We don’t know what she might do if she thought we deliberately kept this from her.” James tried to make Kara see his side of things.

But he was met with a scoff, surprisingly, from Alex. “Lena would never hurt Kara.”

It was said in such a matter of fact, it was like saying water is wet.

It surprised James. He tried to think back on how Lena ever gained that much trust from Alex Danvers, Kara’s number one defender.

“James, you know how I felt keeping all this from Lena.” Kara’s voice was low and filled with warning. “And it was never about her being a threat.”

“She knows how to make Kryptonite.” James persisted.

“In case you weren’t up to date, the DEO just lost a ton of it. She’s not the only one with access to kryptonite. Why is she the only one a threat just because of it?” Kara snapped. “And for the record, she has been, and still is, the only one to not have used it as a weapon against me.”

Kara gave Alex an apologetic look, which she shrugged off.

“Kara’s right.” J’onn decided to break off the tenseness in the room, “Lena’s not a threat. Right now, we need to be cautious of Colonel Hart’s intentions and figure out who stole the kryptonite.”

Alex nodded. “Brainy and I will monitor Colonel Hart and find more clues about how the kryptonite could have went missing.” She turned to Kara, who had a look of concentration, as she stared hard into the distance – a sign that she was using her powers to listen for something.

“Something happened?”

“Nothing. I just thought of following Brainy’s advice to check on Lena’s office and penthouse.” She sighed, defeated, “She’s not there.”

Alex gave her a sympathetic smile and squeezed her shoulder in support.

***

It has been a week and Kara still had no news from Lena. She could not even listen for her heartbeat. Something was dampening her hearing she was sure of it. If it were not for Jess, she would have been in a full blown panic right now, wondering if Lena was alive. But Jess was not letting her see Lena too, effectively cutting off her access to the CEO, so she was of no help.

She tried calling. She tried texting, apologizing for keeping it a secret for so long and asking for a chance to explain herself. She felt her slim chance of salvaging anything with Lena slipping away with each passing moment and she was desperately fighting off the despair creeping up on her.

The moment Barry came to find her, though, she knew her selfish wish would not be fulfilled. He came to tell her of the worse crisis of the multiverse. Of how he needed her and Kal-El to fend off Monitor again. And this time, with much more at stake.

The world needed Supergirl. _Several_ worlds needed Supergirl.

So of course the wishes of Kara Danvers had to take a back seat now.

She clenched her fists, doing her best to keep the frustration and anger bottled. It was not Barry’s fault that things were a mess.

“Kara, I need to get someone else, so could you help me get Superman?”

“Who else do you need?”

“Someone called, Lena Luthor.”

Now, Barry had Kara’s full attention.

Her protectiveness, her frustration and raging emotions morphed into a bellow of “WHAT?”

Taken aback, Barry stumbled, “I – I can explain. But please, Kara, we are running out of time. We need to get her first.”

“If you think I’m letting you take Lena to a war that has the potential to end all universes—”

“Kara, I really don’t have time. I promise I will explain everything.” With that, he jumped into another of those warps and disappeared. Not giving Kara a chance to ask the question she had been dying to know the answer of.

_How was he going to find Lena?_

***

All questions of ‘how’ went out the window the moment she saw Lena when she arrived on Earth -1.

Like taking in a breath of fresh air after being under water for so long, just the mere sight of her relieved some weight off her shoulders.

And then reality crashed down on her when Lena spotted her but quickly averted her gaze.

Kara would swear she literally heard her heart break. The all-consuming need to be right next to her this very second, to talk to Lena overwhelmed her. So much so that she almost missed Oliver calling out for her attention.

Clarke’s elbow snapped her out of it.

“We need Superman and Supergirl to take on this Anti-Monitor, if he is as powerful as Monitor says.”

“Wait, Anti-Monitor? I thought we were dealing with the Monitor.” Kara felt bad for not paying attention from the start already.

“Well, turns out, the Monitor was the ‘nice’ guy, trying to prepare us for this guy.”

A bald man in a perfectly tailored suit made himself visible.

Kara was instantly on high alert. On instinct, she flew to Lena’s side to stand between them.

“Lex!” She growled, fist clenched, heat began pooling at the back of her eyes, ready to be released.

Clarke was startled by her reaction, but quickly recovered to stand by her. “What are you doing here?” He demanded.

“Woah woah. Hold on a second.” Barry hastily interjected. “This is Lex Luthor. But he is not your Lex Luthor. He goes by Alexander Luthor –“Realising most of them were not following, Barry paused to recollect himself, “He’s from Earth-3. And, his Earth has been destroyed by Anti-Monitor. He is not the Lex Luthor of your world.”

Seeing that Kara was not relenting, he tried again, “He is here to help.”

Kara had a war raging within her. Seeing Lex Luthor reminded her of the pain he had caused Lena, the despicable way he had ruined her chance. Her chance of…

A soft hand covering her fist easily doused the fire.

“Supergirl, please calm down. He is not my brother.”

She grabbed onto that hand like a lifeline. But she was afraid to turn to look into those emerald eyes. She was afraid of what she would see…

“Barry please continue.” Clarke prompted, seeing Kara’s shoulders slacken slightly.

“Yes, as I was saying. Mr Luthor here from Earth-3 is here to help us. He had escaped when his own Earth was destroyed.”

“Unfortunately, the Monitor, who was our best bet at fighting against this Anti-Monitor guy was killed.”

“The Monitor was killed? “ Kara was shaken. The Monitor had powers far superseding most of the heroes assembled here. He was tricky and had an abundance of knowledge at his disposal. It was hard to comprehend how anyone could have taken him down.

“Well… there’s also another issue…”

And so, Kara and Clarke were introduced to the fact that in another universe, some of their friends were enemies, and some of their nemesis were friends.

“But what do you need Lena here for?”

Barry sighed. Kara was not letting it go.

“My brother was brought back alive by the Monitor, and now he is wreaking havoc in their world, and many others, taking advantage that they’re busy preparing for what is to come.” Lena finally spoke. The hoarseness of her voice made Kara want to wrap her arms around her, knowing how her brother’s actions hurt her.

“And the technology that he’s using against the Supers of every world is…tricky.” Barry frowned.

“He is killing them on each earth with his stupid kryptonite suit.” Lena spat.

“And only his sister knows how to counter it.”

Kara scoffed. “You mean to tell me nobody can stop him in all of the universes?”

“Given enough time and resources, he definitely _can_ be defeated. But time is something we do not have. He has the element of surprise and knowledge against his enemies, if he went straight for the kill, they would not know what hit them.” Oliver reasoned.

“So what? You want Lena to fight him? With what?” Kara was getting agitated following their train of thought. But, she felt the hand in her grasp, move to slip away.

“I can help.”

She whirled to face her. She was met with a downcast face, looking anywhere but at her.

That was it.

Kara was done waiting. That was what got her into this mess in the first place. And if she was about to enter the war that would end all worlds, she was going to make things right with Lena.

Now.

She ignored Oliver and Barry and pulled Lena to a private area.

“Supergirl, they’re not finished yet.”

“I can’t focus on anything else if we don’t talk now.” Kara replied earnestly. When Lena still refused to look at her, she faltered slightly. “I— you have been gone for a month, and – and, I know…I know…” She could not help the slight tremble in her voice, “I tried looking for you. I searched everywhere. I couldn’t find you.”

Lena was silent as she clenched her jaw and closed her eyes while taking in a deep breath.

Kara watched in trepidation, but was unwilling to take her eyes off the woman in front of her. Unwilling to miss any quirk or hint in Lena’s cool demeanour that could help her…help her navigate this stormy ride, to find a path back to her.

To let her in again.

“I’m so angry at you.”

She felt familiar tears well in the corner of her eyes as she prepared for the onslaught.

“You didn’t trust me.” Lena continued. “Do you know how much that hurts?”

When she finally met Kara’s gaze, her heartbreak clear as day, Kara felt her own heart break too.

“No…” She pleaded weakly. “That’s not true. I can explain. Please –”

“And you will.” Lena’s gaze hardened. The silent steel that the youngest Luthor carried with her surfacing and seeping into her words. “But now is not the time. You will go there and win this battle. And _then_, you will explain. Are we clear, Supergirl?”

Lena never used this tone with Kara, except the time at Catco when she bulldozed pass the line of insubordination. But Supergirl was familiar with the tone. The one that said they were not friends…

“Ok— we will talk after this.” Kara relented, then quickly added, “But you won’t hide from me right?”

Lena nodded, “I won’t.”

With only an agreement of a chance, Kara was more than relieved. True to her word, she took in all the information Barry and co. had on Anti-Monitor. As much as she wanted to go after Lex, the number of hard hitters their bunch had was quite limited. She had to trust the others.

And Lena.

When the war was won and dust settled, she always thought back to this moment several times and surmised how it was the worst mistake of her life.


	4. Final

If someone asked Lena her plans for saving the world, she would give them ideas more along the lines of finding the cure for cancer; solving climate change with green energy; eradicating starvation from all corners of the world…you know, the like…

And not, preventing genocide of aliens, defending Earth from an alien invasion – twice. Or stopping her brother from mass murder – twice.

As she tinkers with the controls in her lab to defuse another kryptonite weapon, transferring its radiation into one of her creations, she wondered when exactly did she get sucked into this hobby of creating flying suits, bulletproof armour and ridiculous devices with uses totally opposite to what she initially imagined. This… superhero business.

She thought Lex was ridiculous when he paraded in his Lexosuit all around Metropolis. She never thought one day she would end up doing the same for a different Super…

The things that Kryptonians compel Luthors to do…

And it was with this new found acceptance that allowed her to not freak out when a man in a red jumpsuit literally appeared right beside her from a portal.

“Lena Luthor? Hi!” He waved.

“And who are you?” She answered coolly. She had been groomed for a long time to control her reactions and mask her emotions. It worked well for her. Except for recent Kara Danvers’ related matters. She was pleased it still worked.

He was from Kara’s world—Multiverse, superhero world. His rambling was rather similar to Kara’s too. However, her smirk vanished once the red guy started explaining.

He started explaining things that she thought only existed in theory. She started to feel the scientist in her get excited. Not even the idea of an all-powerful celestial being wanting to doom all of them was able to temper that.

Not until she heard the existence of her brother in other Earths. Even if there was one out of the many who was the hero instead of the villain, the thought of her brother roaming free and destroying the Supers of other universes made her nauseated.

She stopped him once. She would do it again.

She had to.

And so she agreed to go with the guy in the red suit, to partake in a mission for Superheroes.

She should have known…

***

Alexander Luthor Senior opened up a hidden box of feelings she hid in a corner of her heart, accumulating dust. She thought it had vanished in the wasteland of boxed up feelings, or burnt to ashes from fires stoked by her internal rage at her families’ atrocities.

The mere thought of a good Lex Luthor, _ever_, brought back feelings of having her childish optimism crushed; of having to reckon with the reality that the figure of aspiration throughout her childhood was actually a monster.

And so she watched him closely, trying to reconcile the image of her brother taunting and mocking her with his last breaths, to this hero image of his. She could definitely see some similar traits. He was smart, charming. Very persuasive. His intelligence helped the heroes strategize their plan of defending the remaining Earths. She really could see how _her_ Lex could be like this too…

She could not shake off her unease, though, with all their planning relying on the might of the Kryptonians. They were their heavy weights in the plan to take down this Anti-Monitor guy. There was no other way around it. The rest of them would be mopping up the goons, while she and some of them were going to have to sit back and pray they win after finishing the preparation work.

At least, that was what they had planned for her.

That was what Kara had insisted on, after their short conversation, before allowing everyone to move on to more pertinent matters.

Lena had seen this side of her before.

When she was plain unreasonable with regard to her possession of kryptonite. To be on the other side of this behaviour brought a whole new perspective, especially so, with the recent effort of reconciling Kara Danvers and Supergirl’s persona in her mind. And it was, frankly, quite mortifying. She basically had to beg for her to stand down.

“Supergirl please stop this! I won’t even be anywhere close to the fight to get hit!”

“You _promise_?” The petulant stubbornness was so Kara and it was weird seeing Kara in Supergirl in every interaction now.

“Yes, I promise.” She sighed, giving in.

And she was supposed to be angry with the alien!

She ignored a few teasing smiles aimed at the both of them, confused of their intent but not bothering to decipher strangers’ thoughts of her. If she gave much thought to what people thought of her, she would have been driven insane by the tabloids. Instead she caught Alexander’s knowing smile and she frowned.

It was too familiar that it downright did not sit well with her. But whether it was because they share the same face or something else, she could not determine.

On the other hand...

She understood the heroes’ plan for having the Kryptonians be their main attack force. They seem to hold them in the highest regard. Most were in the stage of being awed by their capabilities. Even Barry. Oliver was more sceptical, but even he reluctantly agreed they had no better people to take on that role.

But the Luthors knew better. Humans could make them fall. They had come close to success several times. Too many times in Lena’s opinion. So what’s there to say this creature created from the depths of the universe could not?

Liar or not, Lena was not letting someone else kill the most important person in her life. No matter how strained their relationship was now.

She had no qualms breaking her promise to Kara when the time comes for it.

_She lied to me. I damn well can do the same._ She reasoned in her heart.

When the fight started, Felicity herded those not planned for fighting to complete their tasks and get to safety. Following her orders, to prevent making a scene, Lena snuck away using the portal device once she got the chance. Activating her nanotech suit to assist her to avoid any altercation with the shadow legions, leaving the fighting to the professionals, she hovered at a distance to monitor Supergirl’s (and Superman’s) fight. The two of them combined were just barely able to hold him off.

And Lena also kept an eye out for him…

That was why when everyone watched to their horror, as Superman fell from the skies, she was the first to react.

Sending a blast of energy beam to knock Lex back, after she portaled herself next to the fallen Super, she tended to him immediately by blasting him with yellow sun radiation.

“Go to Kara NOW.” She casted one glance at the fight and was horrified to see Kara being knocked back, blow after blow. She tossed him a device, “Use this.” Seeing his hesitation, she spat out, “Go now! Tell her she still _owes_ me. She’d better not lie to me again.” She warned darkly.

And he sped off to rejoin the battle. Leaving Lena with a stand-off with her brother.

“Bravuh—“Lex struggled to stand up.

Lena was having none of it. She shot another blast at him. “Shut up and stay dead.”

Unfortunately for her, their little scene had attracted the attention of the shadow legion and she had to fend off some of them – which proved a lethal distraction. The searing pain on her flank made her realise her mistake too late, even if she released the nanites to counter attack Lex.

Both of them crumpled onto the ground, as Lex’s cackling laughter hounded her struggling consciousness. “At least I got you. We’ll move onto the next chapter together yeah? What better way to stop the sight of you getting all chummy with Kryptonian filth.”

She only spared him an eyeroll, while she gritted her teeth, trying to endure the pain. Even with the nanites working overtime to repair the wound, it was simply too deep. She was losing blood too fast.

She thought she heard Kara’s furious roar in the distance. Her dazed mind vaguely remembered she had never heard Kara enraged before…as Kara or as Supergirl. But she also thought her blood-deprived mind was becoming delusional, which was until she felt herself lifted off the ground and into a strong embrace.

The body heat helped to combat the hypothermia overtaking her system…

“Lena! Lena— I! We got to get you to help! I gotta, I gotta…look for someone to help…” She kept rambling and the hoarseness in the voice betrayed the desperation being held at bay. And that was when Lena willed the effort to open her eyes.

She had never seen the woman in front of her cry before.

Sure, she knew she was not all sunshine and smiles all the time. She knew it was just a front. The post-Daxamite invasion period where she was all broody as Kara and reckless as Supergirl proved that. In addition to recent revelations, she had long come to accept that Kara Danvers was not perfect… but still...

“Kara…” She lifted a hand to lay on a side of the tear-stained cheek. “Did we win?”

For a moment blood and tears mixed on perfect skin, and the sight made the remnants of stubbornly held anger dissipate.

“Yes…yes we did. The others are just taking out the shadow legion. Just hang on Lena.”

She was getting tired.

“Explain to me now. I want to hear it.”

She knew it was the wrong thing to say when blue eyes threatened to break.

“I’ll explain Lena. Just…wait till you get better ok? I promise.”

“You waited too long Kara. That’s why we’re in this place aren’t we?” Lena paused to gather more strength. She had summoned back the nanites sent to destroy Lex’s suit. She figured it did not matter anymore whether Lex was out and down. She needed the nanites more.

“Stop making me wait.”

She almost felt bad when the hands holding her trembled and reactively pulled her closer. They were flying. She was sure of it. To where though, she had no idea. She did not care.

“Ok, Lena. Ok—But you must promise, promise me, you’ll let me finish. You’ll listen to the end!”

“Get on it Kara.”

“At first I didn’t know you. I’m sorry, I really didn’t. But after…After I got to know you. That you were so, so good. You took all the hurt and the pain and… and still wanted to give something good to the world! How could I not want to be closer to you! But you looked at me and just saw me. Kara Danvers. Not Supergirl. Not someone who expected things from me… Lena…” Her voice broke into a sob, “I’m sorry, I was selfish. Then…then after Reign… I got scared… I was scared ok? And I took it out on you… I know you were just trying to help Sam. Maybe…maybe if I had told you, we wouldn’t have fought… But we started fighting, and I… I said horrible things to you, I did things I am not proud of, despite knowing it would hurt you… And you told me how disappointed you were in Supergirl… and I was afraid, Lena. I didn’t want to lose you. Then… your brother came into the picture, and made every moment seemed wrong. That telling you the truth would just hurt you. And push you away. And… and…I can’t lose you… I can’t…”

“…Lena?”

***

Lena Luthor will never ever don a stupid costume and try to be a hero. Ever. Again.

That was the first thought that came to her mind when she first gained consciousness.

Her groggy mind slowly experienced every sensory come awake. The dull ache in her joints, a signal of how long she had stayed stationary in one position; the scent of bleach as she felt her chest expand and take in the air around her; the dryness scratching her throat; the throbbing pain at her side…

And that was when her mind lit up with memories of a battle that concluded without her.

Her eyes flew open and took in the moonlit room she was in. Her gaze followed the sensations of an unmovable object pressing down on her hand, to a silhouette at the side of her bed.

She took in as deep a breath as her body allowed and breathed out a sigh and stared aimlessly into the darkness.

She survived.

She was alive.

And she had heard Kara’s explanation before she slipped into the darkness.

_Was it enough for a scorned Luthor?_

She turned her gaze to the sleeping figure holding her hand so tight even in sleep. Only to find blue eyes shimmering in the darkness staring back at her.

“Lena…”

She was too tired for anymore dramatics. With her raging emotions tamped down by her injury and whatever drugs they have given her, her worn out heart finally calmed down enough to take a good look at Kara Danvers.

“Lena…” She repeated. And sniffed. And looked away to wipe away the corners of her eyes.

Kara was not wearing her glasses.

Supergirl was not wearing her suit.

“Lena…” The woman she knew as her best friend and her hero broke down into sobs before her eyes as she kept repeating her name.

Lena thought of how her family had conditioned her to react to betrayal. She thought of how most of the people in her life had betrayed her at some point. She thought of the pain they inflicted on her and the glee they took in flaunting it in her face.

Never once did she have someone ask for understanding, for a chance to make amends. Never once did she see someone look as broken as her for the betrayal…

She pondered on that thought and the questions that remained were clear as day in her state of drug induced calm.

_Was forgiveness inconceivable for a Luthor? Was Kara not worth it?_

Looking at the crying blond who had asked for a mere chance to be heard, and not demanded her understanding, she finally sighed. A long weary sigh that expelled the last of her doubts.

It was time to move forward.

She shook off the hand in her grasp, ignoring the wide-eyed hurt look. Instead she reached out to smooth out blond hair in a soft caress.

She was immediately engulfed in a strong embrace, as Kara folded her body over hers, holding onto her for dear life.

“I thought I was going to lose you! I—, you didn’t finish listening to me!”

The sobs close to her ear now somehow soothed the pain. As she gently stroked the blonde head now tucked into her neck, she thought back to when she initially decided to have Kara experiencing the same pain as her…

She realised how she would rather them resolve this another way.

“I’m sorry…” Seeing Kara hurt…hurt her too. “You’re not losing me. I promise.”

The mess that love causes two people…

_Ah well… _

_That_ was a box meant for another time to unpack.

“We’ll figure this out.”

***

“Thank _god_, she woke up. I don’t think I can deal with another round of Supes’ fury.”

“Yeah, didn’t know skirts had it in her.”

“Well, it was either this or losing Supergirl. I don’t really think we wanna go back to that future…”

“Shush! Super hearing remember? If she knew we were the cause for her girlfriend almost dying, she’s gonna go crazy again!”

“Well, _technically_, it was her brother. How would we know he’d be so ruthless? Plus, without her mini-blue-sun radiation grenade that got both Kryptonians all juiced up, we may not have won at all. Sara made the right call.”

“Thanks, Aves. Ready to go guys?”

“Finally, Cap. I need my booze now.”

“When do you not need your booze Mr Rory...”

The rowdy bunch disappeared through a bright portal, unaware of the eavesdropping of a certain Kryptonian.

But it did not matter now, she thought, as a bright smile started to creep up the corner of her lips. Evil was defeated, the worlds were saved and her home was in her arms once again, with a promise of a chance to undo the mistakes of her past.

All was well.

_Thank Rao._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


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